I’ve never…

So, health care reform is dead. Young people with shit paying jobs will soon be forced to buy insurance. The poor insurance industry, seeing increased numbers, will be given a huge amount of federal dollars to subsidize them in these hard times of more clients. Sen. Joe Lieberman, assbag, will get money from these companies making a sort of ironic “trickle down” effect.

But let’s laugh.

See? This cat gets it.

Baucus’ life is in shambles. Barkus’ life is in shambles. And insurance reps are actively making dumbass points all around us.

And I got to kick one in the balls for it.

Yesterday I met with an insurance rep (actually as part of a group of people). Right away the question was posed that, maybe, the rep’s life wasn’t going so hot in the current political climate.

But oh, oh no. His life is going fine, he says. And he doesn’t think (rightly so) a public option or single payer is coming down the pike. And, he was willing to give his specious, moronic reasoning.

First, he had to explain risk/cost to us. Essentially if you’re a person perfectly healthy for the last six months (this is an industry standard) you pay less. Healthy for longer? Even less. The healthiest amongst us pay very little compared to the sick. But, have something wrong beforehand, or gain a new fault – BAM! – cost goes up. To him, fair. To me? A brutally stupid system (I’ll explain later to naysayers…).

Anyway, he then began his attack of public health care.

“I’m a healthy person,” he said. “How many of you smoke?”

One person raised her hand.

“I don’t think it’s right that I should have to pay for her lung cancer.”

I was immediately pissed. “Okay,” I said. “I don’t have anything against Afghanistan. I don’t think it’s right that I have to pay to blow up that nation.”

Capt. Insurance stopped his argument after that because his reasoning is pure bullshit.

This assbag is actively derailing the most decent, humane thing our government has ever attempted. His sad-but-true-joke-contribution: "I've never been lower middle class. I don't think it's fair that I have to pay for the pleebs to get crusts."

We pay for lots of things we don’t use, or want.  For example my maternal grandparents sent their children to Catholic schools, and yet they had to pay taxes used for public schools.

As Penn Jillette once said on his TV show Bullshit!, “We belong to a club and to belong to that club we pay dues, called taxes.” To add to that: We elect club officers every two years to allocate these dues in worthwhile and meaningful ways — roads, schools, crony-istic bailouts — and often times not for things we use or want. For instance, I do not plan on going to Taiwan, but my taxes help pay someone to maintain good relations with Taiwan so that someone else can go there without being killed.

Here’s some cheap jokes:

“I’ve never crashed an airplane. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to pay for the FAA.”

“I’ve never been brutally murdered. I don’t think it’s right that I have to pay for a CSI unit.”

“I’ve never got e-coli from bad meat. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to pay for the FDA.”

“I’ve never breathed with gills. I don’t think it’s fair that I have to pay for FWP.”

“I’ve never nominated my girlfriend for a federal attorney job. I don’t think it’s fair I pay that Senator’s salary.”

“I’ve never drunkenly crashed a boat containing a federal official. I don’t think it’s right that I should pay for the court to provide a fair and equitable trial.”

Finally, heading a little old school….

“I’ve never had electrical power. I don’t think it’s fair that I should pay for the Rural Electricity Act.”

Why can our taxes do all of these good things, but not the very best? What is wrong with thinking we can have the best roads, the best schools, the best quality of life, and the best health care, all if we pay just a little bit?

Beats me.

It’s been a long week of #fail in Washington thanks to that assbag Joe Lieberman and I just wanted to bring everyone a laugh before we all get cancer and die in poverty.

In the spirit of the best, I’ll end with the best joke I could come up with. Okay, it’s not mine. It came from my wife: “My house has never burned down. I don’t think it’s right that I have to pay for the fire department.”

I wonder if Sen. Assbag agrees…